Rubber (2010)

Rubber is one of those movies that, when you read the premise, makes you go “WTH” but then, once you’ve watch the movie, you’re like, “WTF?”
That is about as descriptive as  I can be with this film…

Despite that, the acting and cinematography are much better than other films in its weight-class. A lot of love and consideration went into the making of this film. It’s seriously one of the only reasons we were able to watch it through to the end.

rubberrabbitIt’s also a little wonderful that this tire has more character development attention provided to it than 80% of movies coming out today. No, you don’t really get to a point where you empathize with the tire… but you do get the warm and fuzzies every time it learns something. Well, unless it’s learning to kill the fuzzies.

Our recommendation is that you watch this movie if:
A. You are super bored.
B. You want to experience a different kind of cinema.
C. You friends make you.

rubberexplination

Poster for the movie "Rubber"
Fully Mature Evaluation:

Rubber (2010)

R 85 min - Comedy, Drama, Fantasy, Horror, Mystery - 15 May 2010

In the California desert, the adventures of a telepathic killer-tire, mysteriously attracted by a very pretty girl, as witnessed by incredulous onlookers.

Director:  Quentin Dupieux
Writers:  Quentin Dupieux
Stars:  Thomas F. Duffy, David Bowe, Stephen Spinella, Roxane Mesquida, Jack Plotnick, Wings Hauser, Ethan Cohn, Charley Koontz, Daniel Quinn, Devin Brochu, Hayley Holmes, Haley Ramm, Cecelia Antoinette, Remy Thorne, Tara Jean O'Brien, Pete Dicecco, James Parks, Courtenay Taylor, Blake Robbins, Michael Ross, Gaspard Augé, Pedro Winter

Storyline

In the California desert, the adventures of a telepathic killer-tire, mysteriously attracted by a very pretty girl, as witnessed by incredulous onlookers.



Tagline: Are you TIRED of the expected?

12/12/12 (2012)

There must be some truth to the idea that all kids are little evil spawns of the Dark Lord. This is not a fact lost on Hollywood. Just look at all of the titles about little demonic babies eating people.

But if you’re expecting a run of the mill, everyday horror about a pretty normal kid with a demon in them then this is not the movie for you.

121212baby12/12/12 is just something different… I can’t even really say if it’s a good different or the kind that you should avoid.

If you’re like us and you watch horror movies for the drinking game potential then you’ll love it. If you’re looking for a future classic…. nah.

We did shots with every death and every “what the fuck!?” moment. We were throughly drunk by the end of this movie.

121212babe

My recommendation is to watch it. Sure, you’ll probably regret some of it. But you’ll love the part where you’re drunk and can’t find the remote to turn it off.

 

–Avery

Poster for the movie "12/12/12"
Fully Mature Evaluation:

12/12/12 (2012)

R 85 min - Horror - 4 December 2012

When baby Sebastian is born on 12/12/12 everyone around him starts to die. Soon, his mother realizes that her son is the spawn of Hell.

Director:  Jared Cohn
Writers:  Jared Cohn

Storyline

When baby Sebastian is born on 12/12/12 everyone around him starts to die. Soon, his mother realizes that her son is the spawn of Hell.


Collections: Jared Cohn

Genres: Horror

Antichrist (2009)

You found this movie? Want to know what we think?

Don’t do it. Just don’t.

 

antichrist-1

 

No, that’s it. Really. Don’t.

 

 

 

 

Poster for the movie "Antichrist"
Fully Mature Evaluation:

Antichrist (2009)

NR 108 min - Drama, Horror, Thriller - 29 May 2009

A grieving couple retreats to their cabin 'Eden' in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage. But nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.

Director:  Lars von Trier
Writers:  Lars von Trier

Storyline

A grieving couple retreats to their cabin 'Eden' in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage. But nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.


Collections: Lars von Trier

Tagline: When nature turns evil, true terror awaits.

Genres: Drama, Horror, Thriller

Oculus (2014)

Oculus generated a lot of buzz upon its release. For the most part, critics and fans alike were thrilled to see a movie that dispensed with much of the gore in favor of good old fashioned gut wrenching tension.

oculusFrom the start, you’re confused. Don’t worry, it’s by design. If you’ve already seen this film you were probably wondering the same thing I was: “Did I miss the first movie? Is this a sequel?”
I assure you: you started exactly where you were supposed to. In a state of confusion.
But, for once, this is actually ok. Unlike most movies, Oculus drops clues at just the right times to help you piece the story together all the while creeping you out just a little until you finally understand what’s happening and are creeped out even more!

oculus3We’ve all seen movies that have attempted this and never quite pull it together. In the end, we’re either just as confused as the beginning if not more so. Or, as it usually happens, we’re just pissed because they very sloppily wrapped up the movie in the last three minutes.  Oculus actually has a good balance in this regard. There are ample story building and big reveals that never get lost in the tension and screams.

Of course, this movie is far from perfect. Certain scenes and happenings seem a bit contrived and there are some points that are pretty disappointing. Like, say, the ending.
While i didn’t personally have a problem with the way the film ended it certainly left a bad taste in a lot of reviewer’s mouths.

oculus2
This may be the first horror movie to do this well on our Fully Matured Evaluations, but I’m going to give this movie a solid 7 toothless demon heads out of 10.

Poster for the movie "Oculus"
Fully Mature Evaluation:

Oculus (2014)

R 104 min - Horror - 3 April 2014

A woman tries to exonerate her brother's murder conviction by proving that the crime was committed by a supernatural phenomenon.

Director:  Mike Flanagan

Storyline

A woman tries to exonerate her brother's murder conviction by proving that the crime was committed by a supernatural phenomenon.



Tagline: You see what it wants you to see

Genres: Horror

Extraterrestrial (2014)

So you doubt the existence of alien life on other planets, huh? What, because there’s not much intelligent life on this planet? Ok, that’s valid. But you know who doesn’t care? THE ALIENS! AND THEY’RE PISSED!

Let me warn you, there will be some spoilers. But it doesn’t matter. You can go watch the movie and come back or never watch it at all (the latter is probably more likely). In any event, here’s the trailer:

You can read the premise below from IMDB. I’m just going to dive right into the movie.

The opening scenes are quite beautiful. There’s some very meaningful imagery of the Earth, moon and stars. Then some pretty spectacular effects showing all manner of galaxies. You’re whisked away, further and further from the Earth until you emerge from a picture of some distant galaxy into a small-town gas station.
This is where they make sure to clear up any delusions of some fantastical science fiction adventure. In a epic fail at humorous subtlety, all of the planets, stars and galaxies you viewed are in the picture in the shape of a lightly hidden condom with a quote reading, “Shoot for the stars.”


*The sheriff is unimpressed

This pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Despite actually having had a director (Colin Minihan) the film seems to have no direction at all. Ok, this probably isn’t Minihan’s fault. Surely it’s the writing. Surely…
extraterrprobeExtraterrestrial could never quite make up its mind which direction it wanted to go. Were they making a serious sci-fi thriller or a teenie-bopper alien spoof? They never really knew. To be fair, this move is definitely more horror than comedy. It was perhaps some of the ridiculousness that propelled parts of the movie into the comedy genre.

extraterrgurlOn of the first things you realize is that you don’t really care about any of the characters. Well, maybe the sheriff… but you’ll regret that soon enough.
There is an underlying love story happening amongst all the abducting, flashing lights and HORNS. You might call it ridiculous, shallow and dull. But it’s still a better love story than Twilight.

As I approach the ending of the review I’ll hit the the topic of this movie’s ending. I could talk a good deal about how frustrating it was. But then I’d be doing the very thing that frustrated me: drawing it out. I stood up when I thought it was over the first time and by the time it was actually over I had a cramp in my feet. This movie had no idea where it was going and thus also had no idea how to end.

But I know how to end this review… with 2 used anal probes out of 10.

 

Poster for the movie "Extraterrestrial"
Fully Mature Evaluation:

Extraterrestrial (2014)

NR 101 min - Horror, Science Fiction - 17 October 2014

Five friends set out to a cabin in the woods for a fun weekend getaway—that is, until extraterrestrial visitors turn it into a fight for their lives. The group is pulled from their reverie when a flickering object crashes deep in the woods. As they investigate, the friends stumble across an alien spacecraft, and its inhabitants have not arrived in peace.

Director:  Colin Minihan
Writers:  Colin Minihan, Stuart Ortiz

Storyline

Five friends set out to a cabin in the woods for a fun weekend getaway—that is, until extraterrestrial visitors turn it into a fight for their lives. The group is pulled from their reverie when a flickering object crashes deep in the woods. As they investigate, the friends stumble across an alien spacecraft, and its inhabitants have not arrived in peace.



Tagline: They do not come in peace.

Devil Seed

Are you in the mood for a good horror movie that you can watch while drinking with your buds and maybe talk about work and gaming and fishing or whatever and every once in a while glance at the TV for a classic WTF moment?
Well lucky you… Here’s Devil Seed!

demonseed

As far as imagery is concerned, I’d say they’re on the right track. There are not shortages of “Oh, really though?” moments in this movie. Of course, you may say the same thing about the acting… But it’s a direct to VOD horror flick — what did you expect?

Are the chicks hot? Is there steamy nudity? Are they sex scenes a plenty? I have no idea… I fell asleep. Three times. I’m going to say maybe though. Maybe I just slept through all the boobies.

If you’re on of these that boobs can trump any actual plot or believable dialog then I believe you have lucked up again, sir (again, maybe… no guarantee on demon nipples).

As for a hot-or-not cast:
DevilSeed_04-07-copy
We’ll go with hot. Or… not. Depends on what you’re into. The lead character, Alex Froshiber (portrayed by Michelle Argyris) was so uninteresting that any real attractiveness went out the window.

So what do you have left when your B-Horror Movie has only a handful of scenes with pure f***ed up imagery, blah acting and a meh looking cast?

I guess Devil Seed.
And also 2 out of 10 little devil fetuses.

–AveryJ

Poster for the movie "Devil Seed"
Fully Mature Evaluation:

Devil Seed (2012)

93 min - Horror - 16 May 2012

Alexandra is a lively college student returning to live with her roommates Jessica and Breanne after the summer holidays. After a night of drinking, Alex agrees to a psychic reading to learn about her future with her boyfriend, Brian, but during the reading a dramatic turn of events causes SOMETHING to go drastically wrong. When Alex awakes the next day, she cant remember the events of the night before. She begins to hear creepy noises, hallucinate, black out and receive unidentifiable scratch marks all over her body. Afraid shes going crazy, she seeks help from her friends but Jessica, Breanne and Brian are incapable of comprehending the scope of the darkness descending UPON her. Instead, Alex receives help from a school professor and his father who have dealt with the supernatural before. But as Alexs condition worsens, it becomes apparent that it may already be too late to stop the entity from using Alexs body as a gateway into our world (IMDb.com).

Director:  Greg A. Sager
Writers:  Greg A. Sager, Geoff Hart

Storyline

Alexandra is a lively college student returning to live with her roommates Jessica and Breanne after the summer holidays. After a night of drinking, Alex agrees to a psychic reading to learn about her future with her boyfriend, Brian, but during the reading a dramatic turn of events causes SOMETHING to go drastically wrong. When Alex awakes the next day, she cant remember the events of the night before. She begins to hear creepy noises, hallucinate, black out and receive unidentifiable scratch marks all over her body. Afraid shes going crazy, she seeks help from her friends but Jessica, Breanne and Brian are incapable of comprehending the scope of the darkness descending UPON her. Instead, Alex receives help from a school professor and his father who have dealt with the supernatural before. But as Alexs condition worsens, it becomes apparent that it may already be too late to stop the entity from using Alexs body as a gateway into our world (IMDb.com).



Genres: Horror

Returned, The

First, you shouldn’t confuse this movie with the television series of the same title:
Image result for the returned movie

You also shouldn’t confuse it with all the other zombie movie trash that’s out there…
The recent flood of zombie movies has  left the genre tasting a little stale. Fortunately we get a little gem every now and again. Whether or not this is one of them… well, let me continue:

The Returned spends more time developing characters and plots than maybe 95% of other zombie monster flicks out there. Where it excels is creating an emotional attachment with the main characters — despite it being a somewhat shallow attachment, it’s there nonetheless. Which is again something that they’ve done better than most other zombie movies.

Oh, don’t let the above confuse you though… There’s still some pretty gritty, gruesome scenes.

This movie wins in the gruesome category too. Not because the scenes were super original or any more nasty than we’d expect from a modern movies about the undead. No, this movie wins points here because the sparing scenes of grotesque dead-on-flesh zombie action were all built in to help propel the story.

All of that said… I still wouldn’t put it anywhere near my favorite movies list and I don’t think you will either. It’s unique and nicely executed but not glued-to-the-seat-of-your-pants engaging (whatever that means).

I abhor anyone that makes me pause a movie mid-plot arch. But I paused this to literally just go take a nap.
But let’s go half-and-half on this one. It’s a good movie. Not great. Not terrible either.

–AveryJ

Poster for the movie "The Returned"
Fully Mature Evaluation:

The Returned (2014)

NR 98 min - Drama, Horror, Thriller - 14 February 2014

In a post-zombie world, where the infected live normal lives, their retroviral drug is running out.

Director:  Manuel Carballo

Storyline

In a post-zombie world, where the infected live normal lives, their retroviral drug is running out.



Genres: Drama, Horror, Thriller